Six Degrees of Bowden

Gatorbait...video highlights from '93-'96

2006-08-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

If you are a Gator fan and these highlights don't give you goosebumps, please get your pulse checked. One's that stick out to us: Wuerful to Doering against UK, Lawerence Wright's hit on Joey Kent and Ike Hilliard's sick move in the National Championship game: enjoy!

"Doering's got a touchdown, Doering's got a touchdown. OH MY!"

Mark May: you will be held accountable

2006-08-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...yeah either that or it makes you really, truly forget how much you hate something.

Take the ESPN college football squad for example: over the last seventy two hours they have been spewing verbal diarrhea about rankings and matchups that are about as substantiated as claims that Nicole Simpson's real killer is still on the loose, Paris Hilton is still a virgin and that Milli Vanilli really sang their songs.

Both May and Milli Vanilli, "Blame it on the Rain, yeaheyeah"

Granted, we understand that prognostication often is as much a part of sports as the games themselves, but we don't understand why such blatant disregard for facts and erroneous predictions should go by the wayside, unpunished. We think fans who have to listen to May talk about the pending upset of their squad because the opposition's coach is a "players coach and their team is getting better and better each week" should, after the obvious annihilation, be allowed to shake his dick at him (ht: Randy Moss...at the bottom) .

WE WANT ACCOUNTABILITY!

When not having man sex with other offensive lineman, May enjoys spewing stupid, unsubstantiated hyperbole. Watch out MM,: we got you in our sights!

So starting this year, we will note all predictions by Mark May (simply because he is the worst) that we feel to have no rhyme or reason and are left unsubstantiated and keep track of his record. Also, if he says something stupid like, "look for FAU to stay on the field with the NFC all-pro team tonight; the Owls 235 pound right guard might be undersized, but he's a mean son of a bitch," we will see how he does against the spread. However, being that we can't follow May at all times, we will leave this open for you. In a few days, this page will be permanently posted in the left column of the blog; please feel free to post all such ridiculous May comments and predictions. It is time for ESPN commentators to be held accountable for their actions.

(update: at the end of the season if we have enough such instances, we will be emailing this entry to ESPN, so make you voices heard)

Best Hangover cure ever for Gator fans...this will make you puke the toxins out for sure

2006-08-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

I hate to admit it, but I was actually at this game...the 1996 Fiesta Bowl; I was a young, obnoxious 14 year-old talking noise to any Husker that would listen (not much has changed since then except that I am now 25). Tommie Frasier was on the brink of massive blood clotts, Lawerence Phillips had his typical pre-game ritual of raping eight 16-year olds and every single Nebraska receiver was popping a Lunesta, knowing they had about the same chance of catching a pass as Ray Charles did of seeing Pamela Anderson naked.

"Hey Ray baby, I know you want to open your eyes to see these."

This game also simultaneously epitomized everything that was great and awful about Steve Spurrier... HIS MOTHERFUCKING STUBBORNNESS. Steve was convinced that if Nebraska was determined to blitz, then there was no way the Huskers could cover 5 wideouts, thus leaving the backfield empty (the vaunted Tiger formation). After employing this tactic deep in his own territory and narrowly avoiding a safety (sacked at the 1), SOS ran the same damn play again and proceeded to get Ole' Danny pushed out of the endzone. This was when my tears started to flow.

Anyway, here is a clip from that dreadful evening... possibly the most embarrassing moment in Florida football history.

If you think Danny Ford is God, this is your proverbial wet dream come true

2006-08-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Danny Ford, the head coach who led Clemson to their one and only National title in 1981, is idolized by many in the Tiger community. A little less known fact is that he was the coach when Ohio State's Woody Hayes, the Ed Orgeron of the 70's, infamously decked Clemson guard Charlie Bauman in the face after the 1978 Gator Bowl clinching int.

"Just cause Woody hit some fucker, I'm supposed to be scared. That old school fruity pussy, I'll show him that the Orgeron eats nails and takes no prisoners."

Well, one Clemson grad and one Clemson student have started a blog in Ford's honor called Dannyfordisgod, and it is quite good I might add.

I am sure some SC fans have their own piece to chime in with as far as Ford is concerned, but that's what comments are for.

Rhett Bomar and Peter Warrick Should Hang Out

2006-08-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Well, if you've been living on Marklar for the last 48 hours, let us be the first to inform you that OU quarterback Rhett Bomar has been kicked off the team.

Bomar was either one hell of a salesman and is getting screwed, or just the second dumbest person in the world (Myles Brand) as he claimed, on his taxes nonetheless, that he made $18,000 in one summer at a car dealership while working only 5 hours per week. Unless he was moving Mazeratti's like a Krispy Kreme moves doughnuts to Charlie Weiss after a binge on the Atkins diet (we can't make fun of Phil Fumer everytime we reference high lipid quotient individuals) , we vote for the latter (I mean come on, dude is from Grand prairie).

Weis after finding out that what he thought was a mustard covered kielbasa was nothing more than an Atkins induced mirage and was actually a flag.

We only pray that after sitting out a couple of seasons, or going to Texas A&M...Commerce, that Bomar enters the NFL and gets drafted by the Seattle Seahawks. "Why?" you ask. Well, because it is the home of our favorite bargain shopper of all-time, Peter Warrick.

"P-Dub" knows where the discounts are at

Warrick who infamously parlayed $21.40 into over $400 worth of clothes at Dillards could team up with the ridiculously overpaid Bomar to do some serious damage to the party scene in the pacific northwest. When you're paid over 10 times your actual worth and your companion routinely gets 95% discounts, bitches, benji's, benzes and burban's will flow like water.

Please Mike Holmgren, for all that is corrupt and awesome, please draft Rhett.

For The Clemson Fans Who Hate The Cocks More Than Osama Bin Laden...

2006-08-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

Don't Call It a Comeback!!!...We've Been Here For Years (...errr...months)

2006-08-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

After a 2+ month hiatus, 6DB is back and back with a vengeance.

You can start to expect the regular 5-10 weekly posts again. The reason for the break was threefold.

1.) The offseason was getting just too damned frustrating; we had to get away from football...the torture of waiting for kickoff was killing us.

2.) The longer we waited to post, the more amazing we thought the next post had to be, thus making expectations impossible to reach. Rather than embrace this lofty goal, we simply took a break.

3.) Work.

To quote Paul Newman and his legendary portrayal of, "Fast Eddie Felson,"..."We're Back"

Why We Love College Football...Yet Again

2006-05-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

What is better than a drunk, redneck college football fan yelling at massive, ultra-athletic football players? Almost nothing...Manut Bol boxing Dustin Diamond, Bobby Bowden press conferences (for comedic purposes) and hearing the words, "I don't want a relationship either." are just a few that come to mind.

Let me set the stage for this one. Texas Tech has just defeated Oklahoma on the last play of the game. As to whether or not Taurean Henderson crossed the goaline for the winning touchdown was controversial, to say the least (Here is a summary of the game if you still can't recall it).

After the game, some reporters are trying to interview a few of the OU players when a drunk TT fan starts giving his piece. I want to invite this undoubtedlly jort wearing, mustache sporting, guy to my next tailgate...incredible.

"I paid to get into this game, so I can say whatever I want"

-RUSH

We Will Miss The Cool Chicken

2006-05-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Cool Chicken Cool Chicken, where for art thou Cool Chicken?

Romeo stepped on his sword when he thought Juliet was dead. Did the Cool Chicken do the same, when he realized Spurrier's offense is antiquated and Blake Mitchell is Dutch for, "The next Anthony Wright"?

For those of you who never knew, don't recall or otherwise, the Cool Chicken is/was a Gamecock blogger. His blog is/was aesthetically pleasing, but nevertheless cloaked in bias, conjecture, hearsay, and other sorts of logical errors often perpetrated by 9 year olds.

In any event, his blog is now nowhere to be found. Here is what you will find at what used to be the cool chicken. Tasty, yes. More reliable, yes. As fun to make fun of...hell no.

Cool Chicken, we will miss you. We will especially miss our war of words that took place not more than two months ago (Click here and here to see our end of the argument...obviously, because his sight is down, you can not see what he wrote).

If you are alive, please let us know. Our world wouldn't be the same without you.

Collin Mcleod: This is For You

2006-05-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

First, sorry for the lack of postings lately. I was in Clemson for my cousin's graduation and would like to take a brief moment to thank the key-note speaker, Richard Manning, for delivering the world's shortest speech. Essentially, it went, "Congratulations on graduating. Raise the bar." I swear that is almost verbatim. It lasted one minute...Tops.

Anyway, to the point. Here is a video that is dedicated to my good friend Collin Mcleod. The poor bastard grew up as a die hard 'Nole in a world surrounded only by Gator fans. As he has spent the last six years in Talahassee (Hell is looking like a wonderful alternative to him at this point) and has one more to go before getting his law degree, I give him this...C-Mac, I hope you find refuge...God knows it kills me to put this on here (actually, besides the obvious fact that this clip is filled with Criminole highlights, it's pretty damn entertaining).

-RUSH

Spillergate a Hoax...We Fuckin' Told Ya

2006-05-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush...please write John Brasier, the moron who originally reported this story, and tell him how stupid he is at: brasierjd@andersonsc.com)

Surprise surprise sur-mother fucking-prise.

Shocking!!

Florida didn't break any NCAA rules by recruiting Spiller up until the final bell of Signing Day. As TigerPundit reports:

It turns out that star running back and Clemson signee C.J. Spiller was NOT being unduly influenced by University of Florida signee Tim Tebow on the eve of National Signing Day.

Turns out, the two friends were just watching "American Idol." So I guess we can call off the NCAA investigation of the University of Florida football program that Clemson coach Tommy Bowden and the crusading watchdog newspaper the Anderson Independent-Mail were calling for on Monday.

Why? Because it's already taken place. The Gators self-reported the issue and were cleared of any wrongdoing. As I predicted yesterday, Tebow was not sent by UF officials to persuade Spiller; he went on his own. In fact, Spiller asked Tebow to come for a visit.

Is this a Brokeback Mountain photo op? Come on, dude watches American Idol.

Don't believe me? Just ask Spiller. That's what this Gators fan site did. It went to about 200 percent more effort than the Anderson Independent-Mail, which apparently called the UF athletic office and spoke to SID Steve McClain, who told them that coach Urban Meyer was unavailable.

Maybe the intrepid Anderson Independent-Mail could have asked McClain about the Tebow situation, at which point McClain could have transferred the call to Florida's NCAA compliance director James McCloskey (no relation to Gator McKluskey).

That would be the same James McCloskey who is quoted here and here as saying the matter was self-reported to the SEC and is basically a non-issue.

Why did anyone bother to investigate this? All that had to be done was a quick overview of this blog. Here was our initial summation when the Anderson Independent erroneously reported the story:

...We also don't think the reporter was played like a puppet; we believe John Brasier, the voracious, thorough sleuth in question is to lazy what Corky From Life Goes On is to intelligence.

John, you languorous son of a bitch, why don't you actually do some reporting. You know, fact check, confirm sources...maybe even get a quote. No, instead you spout some useless, ambiguous, vague drivel accusing a Head Coach of cheating.

Once again, the blogosphere appears to be one step ahead of the actual paid media; John Brasier is a bastard. Please contact Ole' Johnny and bitch at brasierjd@andersonsc.com

-Rush

Another, "Get Your Football Fix" Post...David Dunham Featured

2006-05-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

During the offseason, sometimes you just need to witness a heat-seeking missile, disguised as a linebacker, laying wood on some unsuspecting poor bastard (all B.C. quarterbacks please raise your hand).

With no further ado, here is an ode to Clemson linebacker David Dunham. Enjoy.

*highly recommend turning up the volume for this one...please send your condolences to BC qb's mother: Mrs. Ryan

-RUSH

Football in the South

2006-05-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

I got this email a couple of years ago. I found it to be very amusing and also very true. My apologies to Big Blue, OSU and all Golden Domers, but there are just some things y'all will never understand. Here are some of the differences between football in the south and north:

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

5 min before kickoff at a Purdue/Illinois game

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Guliani
SOUTH: Danny Wuerffel & Emmitt Smith

All southern polytheists readily acknowledge Danny as a god

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

A scene at Ole Miss's Grove, one of the best tailgates in the world

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

UGA's Larry Munson...the most passionate announcer in any sport

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football.

-RUSH

We're Humanists

2006-05-07T08:28:00.001-07:00

Well this is not in any way football related, but in the general spirit of manliness and helping a fellow out, we decided to pass on a little info. Turns out that this guy made a bet with his girlfriend that he could create a website and get 2 million hits. The wager......you guessed it, a three-some. Well he made it and she accused him of cheating so the goal was amended to an unreasonable number of almost 75 million. Well we say shit on that. We here at 6DB are doing our part to pass on the word and help this fellow out in his quest to achieve everyman's dream of doing two chicks at the same time: Help this guy win his bet!

Getting My Tailgating Gameface On

2006-05-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Some people just don't get the college football fascination. They don't understand why otherwise sane people can spend the vast majority of their free time talking about an event that only occurs 11 times a year for three hours.

Damn fools.

It's about sooooo much more than that. It's about rivalries, shit-talking, pounding burbon to drown the sorrows of a loss, pounding burbon to revel in victory. Most importantly, however, it's about tailgating.

The tailgate is an amazing thing.

Nothing like waking up still drunk from a Friday night of talking shit about your teams immanent victory (not to mention the 25 ass beatings you nearly avoided...the realization that getting in the face of twenty meatheads from the opposing school and bitch-slapping one of them in the face was not the best idea you ever had) and cracking open that first beer at 6am to begin the festivities.

Throughout the years, people have tried to improve on this amazing American tradition (cough...southern...cough). However, this offseason major breakthroughs have been made...2007 will be a good year for the tailgate and we will rejoice.

Before we get to the improvements, we will let you know about two things that often frustrate the tailgating enthusiast.

1.) Having to sneak liquor into the game instead of beer. This is a problem for three reasons. First, we always sneak our liquor in via our boot (if you see us at a game, we aren't really cowboy wannabes; we're just being utilitarian). This causes massive bruising to the ankle region. The second problem is the constant travel to the concession stand for coke. Yes, you can take shots and pass the flask around, but now that we no longer sit in the student section...damnit...this sort of behavior is frowned upon by people sitting next to you with families. Thirdly, it is harder to sustain an all-day long buzz when pounding liquor; frankly we don't have the discipline. Pounding shots, or half burbon/half coke concoctions is a damn good way to black out at 6 pm and learn the next morning that you did the floor hump on the bar counter (We have witnessed this behavior first hand).

2.)The second problem with the tailgate is the lack of mobility that the festivities inherently allow. Essentially, if you have a ton of beer and liquor, you are stuck there as you don't really want to leave all the booze you just purchased. Often times, there is an unspoken reciprocity of beer and liquor sharing with other tailgates, but you are still limited (also, you just feel like a shyster drinking someone else's stuff).

Both of these problems have been rectified.

To solve problem number one: the guys over at MZone found the perfect solution. Yes...it's so simple, yet so brilliant: The Beer Belly flask. Here is how the website describes it:

is that fatass sitting next to you a lazy bastard, or a genius?

The Beerbelly brings Freedom to the Beverage! Now you can drink WHAT you want, WHEN you want, WHERE you want, with no hassles and for less money! What more could you ask for now you can drink your favorite beverage at the movies, the ballgame, on the plane, you decide.

The Beerbelly: Is made up of a neoprene sling and a polyurethane bladder with a tube for dispensing. The bladder is held in an insulated pouch in the sling which is worn under your clothing for concealment. When worn, it looks just like a beerbelly. And it's high-quality!Just think of the possibilities: Your favorite brew at the ball game instead of what they happened to be serving at seven bucks a pop. The savings at just one game will pay for your Beerbelly:DO THE MATH The Beerbelly ..$34.95Compared to six beers at the game at $7.00 each = $42.00* (plus the hassle of standing in line at least 3 times, not to mention missing the game etc.)

If you are willing to share, you never know what other fringe benefits may result from your Beerbelly!

Now, college football patrons will be able to inbibe the libation of their choice. Thank-you Beerbelly.com, We've never wanted people to think were fat bastards so much.

As for problem number two, the lack of mobility during a tailgate, the cruzin cooler has come to the rescue (ht: SMUFootballBlog). Once again, we will let the website describe this apparatus for you:

Could this guy look anymore like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber? Nonetheless, he still looks like a badass on the motorized cooler.

Cruzin Cooler combines two basic necessities of life, the ability to have cold food or a beverage handy along with the means to get somewhere, without walking. With modern technology, the Cruzin Cooler is light-weight and comes in various sizes and is available in gas and electric models, with a 10 mile range on electric models and 30 miles on the gas models. The cooler is light enough to be driven to a location and then picked up and carried. The cooler can be used for hunting, sporting events, races, camping, golf or even a trip to the grocery store to keep your food cold all the way home. Marine use will be popular for the new cooler allowing you to take your fish/drinks/food/ ice to and from your boat with powered assistance and braking. Simply ride or power your way up and down ramps.

Wow!! What lazy asses we will look like in 2007: rockin the beer belly motoring around on our Cruzin Cooler. MMMMMoney. We can't fuckin wait.

-RUSH

FSU fans complain, restitution granted.

2006-05-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Alright, we have gotten a couple of complaints that our coverage of FSU (Free Shoes University Criminoles) has been less than favorable. Many have had enough of our constant berating of Ernie Sims for kicking his girlfriend's ass and AJ Nicholson for raping a 16 year old at the Orange Bowl.

Frustrations haven't stopped there: complaints about us bringing up Sammie Smith's drug cartel, Peter Warrick and Lav Coles' Dillard's discount card, Myron Rolle's selection of FSU as a bastion of academia etc. have been mentioned. To top off the SOW fans dissapointments, there was the infamous "New Goal Posts For Doak" that sent many up in arms.

To all of of you FSU fans who are pissed (this blog does claim to report on the Noles also...our noles writer is so apathetic due to the overall inaptitude of Jeff Bowden, he doesn't contribute) here is some solace.

(The video fucks up at the end during the replay.)

The moment preceding the snap of this play is claimed by many as the loudest in the swamp. Shit, I know you could here a pin drop afterward...Fuck you Warrick Dunn, go build houses somewhere.

The Perfect Storm; CJ tampering?

2006-05-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Tigerpundit and EDSBS relay a story that ran in the Anderson Independent reporting that Urban Meyer sent in reinforcements to ensure that Union County High School speedster CJ Spiller didn't sign with Clemson:

...the Clemson coaching staff is perturbed about an alleged last-minute recruiting heist Florida tried to pull with CJ Spiller, who signed with the Tigers anyway.

As the story goes, Florida sent one of its top players on a lengthy drive to see Spiller and keep him busy on the eve of signing day. If the story is true, Florida could be in for some trouble with the NCAA.

Normally we wouldn't report a story that two bloggers have already broken. However, anything dealing with Spiller is an exception. He is the proverbial Perfect Storm of this blog: a high school star, salivated over by schools across the country whose final three choices in the end were UF, Clemson and FSU. It is almost as if God himself (not to be confused with Will Proctor) wanted us to put our two cents in.

Who is to blame in all of this: is it the UF coaching staff for cheating? Is it the Clemson coaching staff for acting like a bunch of crybabys? Is it FSU, simply for existing, recruiting the kid and making him susceptible to bribery?

No. No. And no.

We tend to agree with the take over on EDSBS, that the reporter is being played by Clemson as a puppet; however, we would like to take it a step further.

We certainly don't blame the Clemson coaching staff for talking to a reporter...coaches complain all the time, it is encoded in their DNA. We also don't think the reporter was played like a puppet (we acknowledge the duplicity of this claim as it relates to the above paragraph...please don't comment on it...we did it for effect); we believe John Brasier, the voracious, thorough sleuth in question is to lazy what Corky from Life Goes On is to intelligence.

we do have a limit to how far we will push the envelope and this is it. We won't make fun of people with down syndrome...insert your own quote or caption to fit your liking.

John, you languorous son of a bitch, why don't you actually do some reporting. You know, fact check, confirm sources...maybe even get a quote. No, instead you spout some useless, ambiguous, vague drivel accusing a Head Coach of cheating.

As Sam Jackson so incredibly played the role of Carl Lee Hailey in A Time To Kill we draw inspiration:

"yes you deserve to die and I hope you burn in hell"

Ok, maybe that's over the top...but Goddamnit Brasier, stop being such a lazy ass.

-RUSH

Have a Good Weekend

2006-04-28T13:34:00.000-07:00

This post is for all of you NFL Draft sado masochists that will park yourself in front of the tv for 80 hours this weekend. At the end of the day, you will still be left knowing nothing; I will never understand you people. However, I expect very few people to understand why we were more excited about the Orange and Blue game than the UF basketball championship.

In the true spirit of Sado Masochism, we leave you with this. Someplace, somewhere Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer author Warren St. John is smiling.

Oh yeah, we promise posting less video starting next week...this is getting a little ridiculous.

-RUSH

You Just Can't Do This

2006-04-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

After yesterday, we decided to chill with all the posting of video...then we see this. YOU JUST CAN'T FUCKING DO SHIT LIKE THIS.

If this is the new status quo, however, I strongly suggest that my boss remove all sharp objects from the office.

Spring Review

2006-04-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

(poted by Rush)

Fuck You Gators!!

Semi-informative, cheeseball writer Stewart Mandel chimed in with his take on spring practices. He gave favorable reviews for CU and the Noles while he gave Meyer and the Gators a Johnny Cage style kick to the junk.

The Tigers have been pretty stout defensively for a while now. Finally, however, the pieces seem to be falling into place for a potentially explosive offense. New QB Will Proctor is a better fit in second-year coordinator Rob Spence's controlled spread attack. Sophomore James Davis is the kind of breakaway back coach Tommy Bowden has long lacked. And wideouts Chansi Stuckey and Rendrick Taylor have displayed big play capability.

Much-heralded QB Tim Tebow also lived up to billing, going 15 of 21 for 197 yards in the Gators' spring game. Unfortunately he's not the starter yet. Coach Urban Meyer's teams exploded in his second seasons at Bowling Green and Utah, but this one, with stationary QB Chris Leak and a mediocre running game, may be more like his first one in Gainesville -- an up-and-down year.

For the first time in five years, 'Noles fans have reason to feel good about their quarterback. By all accounts, sophomore Drew Weatherford emerged as a reliable leader this spring, while a new crop of stud defenders (LB Lawrence Simmons, S Myron Rolle) helped solidify FSU's D. That alone should be enough to cut down on last year's uncharacteristic five losses; if the running game can become a factor as well, look out.

Our Take:

We are a little concerned for all the praise for Proctor. As we have been saying all off season, Proctor is destined to come in under the radar and win three Heisman's in the same year. The fact that Mandel is so astute as to recognize this make us weary. We just hope that this report goes unnoitced and Willy can fulfill his destiny. We are also surprised how Howie...errr...Stuart, and the rest of the college football world for that matter, is treating the departure of Tye Hill as inconsequential. We think there might be a bigger hole to fill at corner than others are suggesting.

"Deal or no deal?"

As for Florida, this summation is about as in-depth as a George W. Bush intelligence report. Yes, Chris Leak is a pussy. Yes, the Gator running game is suspect. However, we knew all this coming into the spring. Markus Manson and Chevon Walker were held out for most of the practices, so we didn't get to see much of the new backfield. As for Leak, expect to see Meyer coach the offense like he did the second half of the season, when the option was simply antiquated. Also, the Gators have playmakers at receiver for the first time in years with Bubba Caldwell, Dallas Baker and Jemalle Cornelius already proven. Combine that with incoming Freshman Percy Harvin, Jared Fayson and the X factor: converted QB Cornelius Ingram, who was the best player in the spring (we predict a Biletnikoff award in 2007), and you have the best set of playmakers since, dare we say, Hilliard, Anthony, Doering and Quezzie.

As for FSU, there is a little too much hype here. Yes, Drew Weatherford showed some promise last year, but I refer you to Chris Rix. Remember when Rix, after a solid Freshman campaign, drew similar praise? Three years under the tutelage of Jeff Bowden later and he was the interception throwing (a bomb to PK Sam in the dwindling seconds in the Swamp not withstanding), handicapped parking, student body president losing, California jackass we have all come to know and love. All we are saying is let's wait and see on Weatherford. Jeff Bowden could turn Mike Vick into a 5.5 guy with a glass arm. As for the defense, well with the loss of girlfriend beating Ernie Sims and Sexual Assault master A.J. Nicholson, the linebacking core should be fairly depleted. Yes, Myron Rolle is a beast; we concede that, but he can't play 11 positions. (note to Jeffy: just throw the ball up to Greg Carr everytime, it's your best chance.)

-RUSH

Clausen to ND; Irish win the next thirteen NC's

2006-04-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

(Posted by Rush)

Is that Jimmy Clausen or did Zach Morris stick his finger in an electrical socket, preppy.

Jimmy Clausen, the ultra hyped, California gay...errr...cool QB has committed to Notre Dame. During the press conference, he proclaimed that he would win four National Championships.

We've heard this before: hyped qb (Ron Powlus) enters ND. People (Turkey Neck...umm...Beano Cook) subsequently gives him a few Heisman's. Dude becomes a huge bust. History is doomed to repeat itself.

The absurd irony of this all is that JC (not Jesus Christ, although I think the Domers are more excited about Clausen than the second coming) proclaims to be friends with Powlus. What?! I am sure the Irish faithful are thrilled about this.

The thing that pisses us off the most, is that this backstreet boy wanna be will get more ass than all the readers of this blog got in college...combined. Damn.

Here's how he picks up chicks.

"I'm hot and you're not"

-RUSH

QB controversy in Gainesville

2006-04-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

If you know anything about college football, you know the number one sign that a team is in the midst of a QB controversy: the coach adamantly denies there's a controversy. In fact, the more adamant the coach, the bigger the controversy.

That being said, how often have you heard Meyer say "Chris is the starter at the University of Florida." WATB pointed out just how many times he said it right after the spring game.

If Leak had a dollar for everytime he dove into the ground, he could buy Microsoft.

TT can run, he can throw, he's not nicknamed after a girl (Christine) and he's UM's wet dream. Not to mention he went 15-21 for 197 yards in the spring game and got pissed that the coaches wouldn't let him run the football. When was the last time you saw Leak do anything but dive into the ground like he was mining for Robitussin when contact loomed?

For those you of you have heard the Tebow hype and have seen nothing, here's a taste:

-RUSH

The Gators Season is Over

2006-04-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Bob Davie just picked UF to win the National Title...0-12 will ensue. Damn you Bob; I liked you so much more when you were losing at ND.

Diagnosis: Brown Bag Flu...I am Alive

2006-04-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

For those who are concerned, I am in fact alive. After spending the weekend in Tampa for a friend's bachelor party, the worst hangover in history ensued (either that, or some hot stripper from Mons Venus [the second comment on this page is priceless] slipped GHB in my drink to take advantage of me a la Frank Solich).

Anyway, I am finally starting to feel better and posts referencing the orange and blue game, the Gator QB controversy, the Mark Sanchez debacle, and the ridiculous spectacle that is Jimmy Clausen are forthcoming.

In reference to my hangover, it hurt so bad, I was envious of this guy's state of mind.

"I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying"

-RUSH

We Inspire Ourselves

2006-04-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

We are such narcissists that the only work which inspires and enamors us is...well our own work.

In our last post, we referenced a, "jawga receiver roaming around Athens telling people he is Batman." This, of course, reminded us of this incredible Snickers commercial.

-RUSH

Ouch!!

2006-04-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

In our last post, we talked about dealing with the inhumane living conditions, often referred to as "the offseason."

Because we here at 6db know that you need your "football fix" at times, we give you a couple of videos that will get you out of your seat.

jawga receiver can be found roaming around Athens claiming to be Batman.

OSU Frosh takes out his first-year hazing frustrations on some poor bastard.

YouTube is incredible.

-RUSH

Baseball Sucks...Give Me Some Damn Football

2006-04-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Is it really only April? Is it really 5 more months until kickoff? Do people really care that Albert Puljols is a manchild and Barry Bonds injects roids in the ondeck circle?

Yes. Yes. And no.

someone somewhere please kick a football off a tee and get the season started. The withdrawal sucks.

6DB is as hyped as anyone for the season to start. We read scout.com in the office, we hinge on the sonogram report of some fetus in Hampton, Va (see: Ronald Curry, Mike Vick, Allen Iverson, Marcus Vick, Aaron Brooks etc.), hoping that it will somehow indicate that UF is on his top 5 list of schools.

The worst, however, is the doldrums of the off season when nothing really happens. Yes there's spring ball and we can harp on Rendrick Taylor's 97 yard touchdown catch, or the fact that Chris Leak is turning into a leader...again, or that Myron Rolle is a beast and Bobby Bowden calls him Casey Weldon. But, this just isn't enough to hold over the true fan for 6 months.

I guess when there is no news...it is time to make news. The blogoshepere is lashing out at this apparent lack of football and consequently becoming a psychotherapists proverbial wet dream. With no football to talk about, the blogosphere has relegated itself to talking incessantly about uniforms. YES UNIFORMS.

Now, because we too have a college football problem, it is hard to be objective. It seems normal to obsess about the uni's, but I am sure any normal human being would classify it as an illness.

While most people are talking about whether Zacarias Moussaoui should be put to death, we instead pine over color schemes draped on 18 year olds.

Down in Clemson, bloggers are looking for a switch to purple jersey's with orange helmets.

hell hath no fury like Willy P's scorn...give him the double purple.

Up in Columbus, Buckeye nation is fumed about the new Wisconsin Badger duplicate digs.

"Badger's, we don't need no stinkin' Badgers!"

In G-ville, the old school throwbacks have gotten some mention on EDSBS.

The ghost of Spurrier is being embraced.

However, the biggest sign of College Football withdrawal has come, surprisingly enough, from Dallas, Tx at SMU. On the SMUFootball blog, they had this to say about starting runningback DeMyron Martin's performance in the spring game:

"Probably good that Martin was out at tailback, because they (other runningbacks) got a lot of reps and both look good and as good as any running back has in a Spring game in a long time. Speaking of Martin, he looked impressive on the sideline; there is definitely some increased strength there."

Well, it's certainly good to hear that he was impressive on the sideline...much like I am impressive not listening to my boss...impressive indeed.

-RUSH

NCAA APPROVES NEW GOALPOSTS FOR DOAK

2006-04-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Breaking news: The worst person in college sports, NCAA president Myles Brand, just approved a rule that would allow Bobby Bowden to use the goalposts he deems necessary for all home games.

(click on image to enlarge)

-RUSH

IT'S OFFICIAL: DEATH VALLEY IS LOUD!!

2006-04-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Seriously, at some point in the future, we might grow tired of the incessant posting of videos, but until that day comes, we will continue to slut out YOUTUBE.

Here is proof positive evidence that Death Valley is one of the loudest places on earth (as to whether or not it is louder than the Swamp...well that is an argument for the ages).

Back to the Death Valley/Swamp argument, Chris Rix shed some light on the topic a few years back. However, his view must be taken with a grain of salt...it is in fact Chris Rix, the same guy who ran over handicapped people so he could put his car in their parking spaces.

"Well, Florida was loud in the Swamp. But the loudest, not only the stadium, but the loudest place I have ever been around in my life was definitely Death Valley. I was yelling at the top of my lungs in that first series and I couldn't even hear what I was saying. My voice was gone after the second series, so we had to signal everything. That place was unreal in how loud it was there and I don't think I will ever be in a louder place than playing at Clemson."

-RUSH

LOGAN YOUNG NOT MURDERED?

2006-04-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

If it is related to Alabama football and involves death and scandal, of course it will be a shady process full of conjecture and hearsay. Just 48 hours ago, Alabama booster Logan Young was found dead in his Memphis mansion; he was so mutilated that police had to use dental records and fingerprints to identify him.

"Yes, we can confirm that this unrecognizable, pool of skin and blood is Logan Young...maybe he got a paper cut and bled to death"

Today, police are saying that it is not necessarily a murder investigation...suggesting that possibly Young fell down the stairs.

WTF. I've haven't fallen down stairs before (that's because I don't have any, if I did I am sure after a few Beam and waters they would look like the first turn at Daytona), but if I jumped off my apartment balcony and impaled myself on the concrete four stories below, I am pretty certain police could identify me simply by looking at my bloody, mutilated face.

-RUSH

Rendrick Taylor's 97 Yard Touchdown

2006-04-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

We are admittedly giddy with our new found ability to post video.

To the point, here is a video clip of Rendirck's 97 yard catch in the spring game. Seriously, I don't think he is wearing pads...he's just that big.

not exactly shifty, but as the old adage goes-"the shortest path between two points is a straight line."

-RUSH

Women and Children Look Away

2006-04-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Maybe this clip hails from the No Fun League, but watching it gives me a damn good idea as to what to do to the brown-nosing, wink-and-gun shooting jackass in my office.

Did the announcer really say, "don't look at this if you don't want to see it." Insightful.

-RUSH

Logan Young is dead...apparently attacked

2006-04-11T10:14:00.002-07:00

R.I.P

Alabama football booster Logan Young, one of the main conspirators in the Albert Means recruiting scandal, was found dead today.* The rumor mill is swirling and police believe foul play was involved.

Just when you think football in the south is crazy, shit like this happens.

We will keep you updated.

*this site requires a password and email...if you don't want to go through the hassle just use rushdisk@hotmail.com password: sixdegrees

-RUSH

Rendrick wins Heisman while simultaneously injecting steroids...Proctor fools everyone

2006-04-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

17 thou showed up to see Godzilla reincarnate dominate the Orange and White game. Mr. Taylor, who contrary to popular opinion is not a government experiment gone wrong, caught four balls for a buck seventy four...not the least impressive of which was a 97 yard screen pass where Rendrick juked some defenders, ate some children (someplace, somewhere Phil Fulmer is jealous), and in the midst of his celebration, pulled down his pants and injected steroids (or as Rome would say BEEF ROIDS ERRRR).

so what if we recently posted this picture...if we posted it everyday for the next thirty years, it would still be just as ridiculous.

On a another note, Will Proctor was 4 of 9 for 73 yards, including a string of 3 consecutive pics. WOW! We knew he was planning on coming in under the radar, but sheeeiiiittt, he even surpassed our wildest expectations. Next year when Willy P is showing everyone that he is a god (not to be confused with the God) by throwing 8 touches a game and no oskies, remember WE TOLD YOU FIRST.

"what is this ovular shaped brown thing you want me to throw...a football...never heard of it. Oh yeah, how do you spell 'hoodwinked'."

Oh yeah, White beat Orange 24-14...whatever.

-RUSH

The Official 6DB ALL MOVIE TEAM

2006-04-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

Sorry for being a week late getting this post up, but apparently the new trend in capitalist economies is this thing called, "work." It's a rather novel idea: a fifty something year old pedantic bastard (also known as a boss) employs twenty-somethings who are filled with unbridled passion and enthusiasm and takes advantage of their naivety. He exploits them by turning them into mindless drones, one 60 hour week at a time. For you younger kids, don't worry. I think this "work" thing is a fad that will playout like LFO. But, I digress...with no further ado: THE ALL MOVIE TEAM.

Team Name:

The Sharks will bitch around the opposition like they did Bethany Hamilton

Every great team has to have a great name. The Sharks, from Any Given Sunday, take the cake here. They smell blood in the water, they rock the Dark Vader Black and most importantly, they hail from Miami...probably the biggest home field advantage in sports. After spending a night getting chached out at Opium Garden, visiting teams will spend their entire pre-game preparation bowing to the porcelain gods.

Honorable Mention: The Coyotes from Varsity Blues, The Armadillos from Necessary Roughness.

The Coach:

We toyed with the idea of pulling the okie doke and bringing in basketball god Norman Dale from Hoosiers (we envision him measuring out ten yards on the football field the night before playing the big game in the Rose Bowl), but in the end, that idea was nothing short of lunacy. Actually the choice was clear, we just had to open our eyes: Coach Herman Boone from Remember The Titans.

"A water break? Water is for cowards. Water makes you weak."

With Coach Boone roaming the sidelines, making great in game adjustments like he did in the State Championship against Ed Henry and dropping inspirational bombs, the Sharks would be unbeatable.

"You look like a bunch of fifth grade sissies after a cat fight! You got anger, that's good you're gonna need it, you got aggression that's even better you're gonna need that, too. But any little two year old child can throw a fit! Football is about controlling that anger, harnessing that aggression into a team effort to achieve perfection!"

Shit, that speech makes me want to strap on a leather helmet and go toe-to-toe with Vernon Davis (Seriously, if his career in the NFL doesn't pan out, we might never see him again as the government will swoop in on him like the Lord's fury and prepare him for a career as an assassin...he would be much cheaper than Jason Bourne).

Honorable Mention: Norman Dale from Hoosiers, Tony D'Amato from Any Given Sunday and Sam Winters from The Program.

Quarterback:

This was the toughest choice of all. You got Joe Cain, the alcoholic Heisman candidate with the golden arm. You got Steamin' Willie Beamen, the cocky third stringer who comes on the scene like gangbusters when given a chance. You got Jonathan Moxon, the Brown University bound intellectual who is great because he doesn't give a shit about Texas football as he so eloquently tells his dad in the worst southern accent of all-time, "I don't want your life." You got Shane Falco, who is a candidate soley by being portrayed by Keanu Reeves

"I caught my first tube today...sir"

However, in spite of the worthy resumes of a scab, a motorcycle ridin' alkie, a 5'9" scrambling backup who changes the plays in the huddle, and a gay second stringer (undoubtedly the Mox is gay; no straight man could turn down Ali Larter in a whip cream bikini), the choice for the 6DB team is grizzly old veteran Paul Blake from Necessary Roughness.

Blake, the thrity-four year old high school legend, is full of moxy. His ability to take on a bunch of losers and lead them to a huge upset of the number-one ranked team in the nation has us convinced that he would be the perfect fit for the jet-black Shark uniforms. Also, if the offense is struggling, Blake could always use his time traveling/invasion of the body snatcher abilities that he learned in Quantum Leap as Dr. Sam Beckett to infiltrate the defense.

"Hey Al, I need to get beamed into the body of that cheapshot hitting bastard of a middle linebacker."

Well, that's it for now. We will get back with the second installment later in the week with a running back, receiver, a couple of defensive guys, a special teams player and a back-up qb.

-RUSH

David Whitley is a plagiarizing bastard!!

2006-04-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

(posted by Rush)

I had caught lightning in a bottle.

Genius had struck.

It struck in the form of a post about the irrelevance of Gator basketball...how Tim Tebow's arm mechanics are a bigger topic today in G-ville than the bocci...errr... basketball championship the rowdy reptile's picked up yesterday.

"If only Jayson Blair was telepathic, he'd still be writing for the New York Times...HAHAHA"

Then, I realized the absurd lack of originality that came along with this line of thinking. First, I checked EDSBS and read this, then I checked what Orlando Sentinel columnist David Whitley wrote today and if I didn't know any better, I would accuse this plagairizing son of a bitch of using his telepathic ways to raid my thoughts. Sans the F-bombs, it is practically verbatim what I was going to write.

If I ever meet this cleptomaniac, a Robert Ludlum-esque kick to the junk will ensue.

-RUSH

What is this basketball you speak of?

2006-04-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

update: In an unforeseen turn of events, the Gators basketball team (yeah, apparently they have one...they have uniforms and everything) is playing in some rather large game this evening. So, in a effort to make it home for this little oncourt soiree, I had to bust my ass at work today and hence, no all-movie team. Should be up tomorrow. (Unless of course the Gators win; my hangover might be so bad that the mere thought of even looking at a computer could cause an involuntary gag reflex. Onward and upward.)

"Gatorbait mutha fuckaz!!!!"

Nothing to report; have a good weekend.

2006-03-31T16:27:00.000-08:00

There is no compelling story these days in the college football world, so PFF will enjoy a one week hiatus. Please accept our apologies.

To help atone for this monstrosity, we leave you with the best piece of sketch comedy of all time.

Yeah, I'm pretty TGIF'ed out today...Beam and water beckons.

The agnostic, dyslexic man said, "I wonder if Tebow is a dog?"

2006-03-30T14:05:00.000-08:00

(Posted by Rush)

Enough, enough, e-mother fucking-nuff!

As we stated last week, we are absurdly sick and tired of the, "Tim Tebow is the second coming of the Rex Grossman, Danny Wuerful hybrid," propaganda that is being spewed from Key West all the way up to the Flora Bama and everywhere inbetween.

Well, as we found out today, the legendary Tebow is now so influential that he is changing laws. Essentially, what this law would do is allow home schooled kids in Alabama to play highschool sports.

"Today I am changing laws, tomorrow I will feed five thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish."

This got us to thinking, what if other college football figures were able to inspire legislation?

The Phil Fulmer Bill: This bill actually has two parts: Part a.) this has to do with underprivileged children who are on the free lunch program. Heretofore, free lunch has entailed sloppy joe's, canned fruit, and beef-a-roni. The Fulmer provision would allow said students gift certificates to McDonalds and Krispy Kreme for all you can eat specials. Once nice and fat, students would be eligible for scholarships to play at UT and have other students write papers for them. Part b.) Any highschool athlete convicted of rape would be immediately vindicated if they ran 4.3 forty.

"Goddamnit!! Tell Jim bob Cooter to get me some donuts."

The Chris Leak Bill: Prior to now, premenstrual syndrome was not a valid excuse for students to miss school. With the Leak bill in effect, anyone suffering from premenstrual cramps or just overall bitchiness would be excused from all school activities...even athletic events (note: we checked the calendar and the bill's namesake should be fine; his PMS should be hitting mid-week during the football season).

"I remember when I was the next Tim Tebow."

The Jeff Bowden Bill: This bill is in reference to school elections. The winner of all student government elections will be the student who garners the most votes UNLESS the principal's son attends the school. In this situation, the son of said principal will be immediately appointed student body president even if he receives zero votes. Furthermore, regardless of the monarchesque president's performance in office, under no circumstance can he be removed unless the principal resigns.

-RUSH

Give me a nickel on the Tigers; let me short the Noles

2006-03-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

(Posted by Rush)

CollegeFootballNews has posted the 2006 National Championship odds:

"Clemson: Money line to win the national title: +5500:

What are the real chances to play for the national title? It'll be over before everyone gets a chance to settle in. Clemson will be good, but it has to play at Boston College and at Florida State by mid-September and has to go to Virginia Tech in late October. However, those are the only three truly dangerous games before the South Carolina battle to finish up the regular season. "

"Florida: Money line to win the national title: +1400:

What are the real chances to play for the national title? This will be the intriguing pick by some, but it's going to be a rough road. The team will be more explosive, but the offensive line needs to find several replacements and the road schedule is tough playing at Tennessee, Auburn and Florida State to go along with the Georgia game. If that wasn't enough, Alabama, LSU and South Carolina come to The Swamp. However, if the Gators go 12-1 winning the SEC title, it'll get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the one-loss teams."

"Florida State: Money line to win the national title: +1100:

What are the real chances to play for the national title? It depends on the opener. If the Noles win at Miami on the opening Monday night, it's there for the taming with the remaining road games at NC State, Duke and Maryland. Of course, there's the battle with Florida to close things out along with the Bowden Bowl against Clemson, but those are in Tallahassee. "

Quick Thoughts:

Wow! bet $100 to win $5500 on Clemson with James Davis returning and incoming studs Jacoby Ford and C.J. Spiller entering the mix (yeah I know, we are quite duplicitous in our Jacoby Ford praise). Also, the Tigers will get the benefit of getting every close call due to the officials fear of being eaten by Rendrick Taylor.

"Hey zebra, my new diet calls for consistent nourishment from human brains...are you sure that was a facemask?"

We think CFN hit the nail on the head in reference to the Gators and their ridiculous schedule. Plus, with Christine at QB, they might be a year or two away.

As for the Noles, until a new OC is brought in, National Championships are about as likely as the Washington Generals pulling the upset on the Trotters.

Amoebas are applying for the soon to be vacant FSU OC position.

-RUSH

All Movie Team

2006-03-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

Alright, the doldrums of the off-season are officially here. After reading this the other day from super Gator blogger, We Are The Boys, we realized that something must be done.

So coming next Monday, we will post the all-movie football team.

The task is simple: think of every football movie ever made and put together a team that would kick ass and take no prisoners (the mixed metaphor is clearly something every player on the team must do... much like Juwan Howard's legendary, "all that does is add fuel to the oven"...scroll to the middle of the article to see it).

Please leave your suggestions below; don't forget about the coach. (note: barring a persuasive argument, we have the QB position already filled).

Will Shane Falco be the guy under center? With legendary in-huddle speeches like, "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever," he stands a damn good chance.

"Believe it now Motherfucker!!!!"

2006-03-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Sorry so late, Gramps turned 80 and I was in Chicago for the festivities. With no further ado, here is the belated PFF.

"Well believe it now, motherfucker! We gotta get this car off the road! You know cops tend to notice shit like you're driving a car drenched in fucking blood."

"I will never forgive yo ass for this shit. This is some fucked up, repugnant shit!"

After blasting Marvin's skull and brain remnants all over the car, Vince and Jules seek refuge at Jimmie's house. Subsequently, Marsellus solicits the help of Mr. Wolf and he comes down, almost as if from heaven, to get the car clean and allows the two gangsters to get back to their day, Vince in the legendary UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs t-shirt.

"Go Slugs baby!"

Yeah, that job was peanuts compared to what the, "getting blood out of cars in a hurry" expert had in store next. That's right, the Wolf's next call was Jasim Alidina. What??!! You don't know who Jasim Alidina is?

Adlina was the victim of Gator incoming Freshman Riley Cooper's flailing haymaker through his car window. While Alidina survived the incident, remarkably unscathed, neither Cooper nor the car were as lucky. Cooper was taken to the Morton Plant Hospital and will likely miss the 2006 baseball season (baseball is actually Cooper's best sport, many think he could have been a first round pick).

As for the blood drenched car, well the Wolf took care of that...but it wasn't easy.

"If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor here. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So, pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car."

-RUSH

How can I already be sick of you?

2006-03-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

*I want to put this note out there before getting into this post: My last few entries have been a pissing match with a Cock blogger and an apology to a Michigan blogger. It is nice to be back to the business of proactive blogging.

Just over five months from now the college football season will begin. However, three players who will be suiting up for the first time for their respective teams will already be about as tired as that smug, annoying jackass from the Cingular commercials that have been running during March Madness (I think that guy, and the crazy fan yelling, "booh yah" in the State Farm commercial should go hang out in a holocaust museum and see if the gas chambers still work...that would be some nice "March Sadness").

Jacoby Ford: I mean come on. Everytime I turn around and Clemson football comes up the first thing I hear is, "Jacoby Ford is fucking fast as shit dude. He runs like 3.7 40" Actually, the rumor is he ran a sub 4.2...yeah fucking right.

Here's the first thing ESPN.com said in an article about incoming Freshman that are making an impact:

"His blazing speed has created quite a buzz around Tigers camp."

So what! John Capel was fast too (this was his best year).

Tim Tebow: The "Chosen One" apparently walks on water to get to class. The Nease high QB was the talk of the recruiting season for the Gators. Was he going to Bama or Florida? Would Meyer let Florida's best ever prospect out of his own backyard? By the time it was said and done, I wanted one of those badass Raphael pitchforks to the jugular.

" Hey Shredder dude, You're finished!!! After I bust you up, Sliver and I are going to take out that bogus punk-ass Crang."

Absurd, useless drivle like this was the last straw.

*Oh yeah, apparently the breaking news is that Tebow will be wearing number 15...Awesome now I can get on with my day.

Myron Rolle: This guy started off the recruiting season with a bang. He claimed he wanted to go to an amazing academic school so he could be a doctor; consequently, he chose Stanford. I mean Northwestern. I mean Notre Dame. No, the fucker chose FSU...a bastion of academic excellence. Yeah, and John F. Kennedy, Jr. epitomizes aviation safety. Actually, I truly believe that Myron was leaning towards a more errr...uhhh...challenging school, but the Florida governor got involved and swayed him to FSU.

" Myron, you've seen Old Sparky right? Yeah, I think FSU's got your name on it."

After committing to FSU, our buddy Myron proceeded to accuse recruiting analyst Tom Lemming of blackmailing him into going to Notre Dame.

But, it's all good now, because after one practice, ESPN is already giving him the Heisman.

"All he did in his first scrimmage was pick off a pass, snuff out a reverse behind the line and recover a fumble during goal-line drills. No doubt that only heightened expectations around FSU land, but he should be mature enough to handle it. Word around FSU is that the veteran 'Noles coaching staff is downright giddy about Rolle's potential. His athleticism and focus actually
have some there thinking he might be even better than they had hoped."

Like I said, these guys are five months away from their fist ever collegiate game and I already feel like they are 6th year medical redshirts.

-RUSH

Damage Control Damnit!!!...Damage Control!!!

2006-03-23T11:53:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I posted this gem, which I attributed to being originally posted on, "the board."

Well, it turns out I was wrong about that attribution. It was originally posted on the MZone, a Michigan football blog (which is quite funny I might add).

"Ahhhhhh Damage control ohhhhhh!!!"

Here's how the mistake happened: I belong to a message board with a couple of buddies that are mostly college football addicts. Often, we come up with funny, witty or observant (sometimes in rare instances, all of the above) takes on the college football world. So, low and behold, one day someone posted the "Sample Wonderlic Exam" without providing a link. Naturally, I thought it was an original thought and put it on the blog atrributing the post simply to, "the board"

Imagine my surprise when I check out EDSBS this morning and they are ranting about some ESPN duechebag ripping off the MZONE on the air. Actually, my initial inclination was that they had ripped it off from us...however, further research suggested the contrary. In any event, I AM SORRY FOR PLAGERIZING, BUT REST ASSURED IT WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL. If someone could ever show me how to get an RSS feed (yeah, we're that computer illiterate) than this wouldn't be a problem in the future. Once again sorry.

-RUSH

"I come here to bury the Cool Chicken; not to praise him!"

2006-03-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Yet the chicken is an honorable man

After actually reading and dissecting what the "Cool Chicken" wrote in response to us last week, I have decided to let it all go. Inspired by the great Stephen Colbert, "el pollo frio" is now, "dead to me."

"en vino veritas and I'm hammered!!"

Plus, I am not a, "South Carolina sucks," kind of guy. I'm more of a, "y'all have a football team?" kind of guy. Dignifying his lunacy serves only to perpetuate the myth that people actually care about S.C. football.

So to Mr. Chicken I leave you with this: I hope one day y'all can recruit the next Steve Tanneyhill and re-live the glory days.

Now back to the business of posting about relevant, interesting football topics.

another cinematic masterpiece on par with, "You Got Served." (hint for CC: starts with an "S" and ends with -arcasm.)

-RUSH

And on the 8th day God created stupidity

2006-03-21T10:46:00.000-08:00

Well, the "Cool Chicken" has responded.

While it appears this is morphing from a battle of wits into a war of attrition, rest assured we will prevail; we are steadfast in our reslove. A response is on the way. Unfortunately, work beckons.

Please feel free to post your thoughts on this exchange in the comments section.

The Cool Chicken right before heading out to William-Brice to go witness the Cocks get whipped.

-RUSH

Tebow's the Bomb

2006-03-21T09:43:00.000-08:00

(Posted by Stokes)

Pre-Freshman Quarterback Tim Tebow is causing trouble in the weight room. Coaches had to get Tebow to change his workout partner due to fear that he was getting too big. The kid is like 18 years old and weights around 240, he's a freak. Coaches were worried that if Tebow continued to work out with DT Marcus Thomas, he could get too bulky. They were afraid he could be the Next Dan Kendra.

When it gets too hot, Dan Kendra leg presses the
Sun away from the Earth

football fans probably won't remember Dan Kendra. The Quarterback from Bethlehem Catholic High School was widely considered the best Prep QB in 1995. Dan was raised in the same area as Dan Marino, Joe Montana, Jim Kelly and Notre Dame Legend Ron Powlus. Sadly, the only one of those guys he is compared these days is four time Heisman Trophy loser Ron Powlus.

"Ron Powlus will win 109 Heisman Trophies at Notre Dame!"

What went wrong with the most talented teen ever from Bethlehem? (Sorry Jesus, but were you USA Today High School Offensive Player of the Year?... didn't think so.) Well, Kendra's first mistake was to attend Florida State. His second was his decision to try and lift every weight in the panhandle at the same time. Instead of breaking passing records, Kendra would hold only the team record for the leg press, over 1300 lbs!

Kendra ballooned up to 260 lbs, in the process transforming himself from agile ultra-athlete into Lou Ferrigno. But unlike Lou Ferrigno, Kendra also liked to build homemade bombs that explode in his face.

" The only people that scare me are Will Proctor, Chuck Norris and Dan Kendra"

Sadly for Kendra, the homemade bomb wasn't the only to explode. In 1998, Kendra's right knee exploded (a lot of good all those leg presses did you dumbass), leaving the door open for geriatric quarterback Chris Weinke. Kendra would make a return to turn to the field as a 270 lb. fullback, where his rushing ability would be overshadowed by all the failure that surrounded him. Kendra started an FSU QB free fall. He would be joined by Jared Jones, Marcus "The Rooster" Outzen, Adrian "Don't bet on it" McPherson, Chris "handicapped" Rix, and most recently God himself, Wyatt Sexton.

So, when University of Florida coaches hear that Tim Tebow is nearly 240 lbs., they get concerned. They don't want to be the guys who created, " the next Dan Kendra". They hope to keep Tebow big, but not so big it affects his agility and throwing motion. It was a smart move by the UF coaching staff. Look for Tebow's numbers to blow up like a Dan Kendra homemade bomb(They make it so goddamn easy).

-STOKES

"U hear me talkin' hillbilly boy..."

2006-03-15T14:45:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

"This is between me, you and mr. soon to be livin the rest of his short ass life in agonizing pain, rapist here"

Butch:You okay?
Marsellus: Naw man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay.
Butch: What now?
Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggas, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so maybe the quote is a little over the top, but I use it to illustrate a point: dumb, ignorant South Carolina fans (or any dumb, ignorant fans...Clemson, UF and FSU fans withstanding) will not be tolerated in respect to this blog.

This idiot, with his wonderful combination of mental midgetry and testosterone induced incoherent diatribes, posted this gem the other day in reference to our, "you might me a South Carolina fan if..." post.

a couple of things:

1.) "But, I noticed that this particular poster was ranting about how Will Proctor was the second coming. So, I decided to look in to it. The bottom line is that he has done nothing so far. The most impressive thing I noticed is that he set a 'spring practice' record by throwing an amazing 275 yards. Woo hoo... boring yawn. What are his other stats? Now, granted the kid might come out and just be a juggernaught. My point is that we don't know that yet. "

All I can really say to this is: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I actually feel sorry for this guy, he must have gotten his ass whooped growing up if he couldn't delineate between sarcasm, hyperbole, and that which is literal. The Will Proctor stuff is a joke!!! Oh yeah Mr. Chicken, that guy in the mall, he's not really the Easter bunny, he's just a guy in a suit.

" you dumb bastard! That's not a schooner, it's a sail boat"

2.) "Apparently, one of these slightly above average Clemson fans (right between mud and dog intelligence) put together a "you might be a gamecock fan" thread. Woo hoo... boring yawn... same old same old."

First, I believe there is quite a chasm between dog and mud intelligence, as he so eloquently put it, being that one is in the animal kingdom and the other a semi-liquid mixture of water and soil, but that is neither here nor there. Actually, the thing I found the most interesting about this quote, was that while attempting to mock 6DB, he didn't refute any of our claims...When in Rome.

"Yeah, I still don't get that"

3.) "Of Course Steve Spurrier is the most hated coach. He routinely kicked the crap out of everyone. What do you expect? "

This is actually from a different posting of his but is so ridiculous, it warranted mentioning. However, since I don't plan on living til the age of 407 I can't fully respond to the absurdity of this claim.

-0-1 vs. Clemson...hardly kicking the crap out of.

-4-12 against the Bowden family

-MOST IMPORTANTLY: Spurrier is, and always will be a Gator..not a Gamecock. He won the Heisman at UF, he won 7 (including 1990) SEC Championships at UF and he won the National Championship at UF. How horrible is your program when your best claim is that your coach was awesome somewhere else. NUFF SAID.

*If you are a South Carolina fan and struggled with this post: click here

Fuck it...I'm bored now. I'll let Immature finish you off

Rush

Damn The "Man" and his censoring of Pulp Fiction Fridays

2006-03-15T12:26:00.000-08:00

Unless of course, like the dude in the Sprint commercial, you are in fact, "the man," and you're sticking it to yourself.

"Free nights and weekends...awesome."

Yes, I censored myself and shut down this week's edition where I promised a negative introspection into all three of our teams (I actually typed it up and got so pissed, that the entry was much to harsh for public eyes...it served more as a therapy for myself).

Anyway, I read psychobabble-drivile like this and feel that lambasting our respective squads is nothing, if not counterproductive. Instead, the delayed PFF entry will be in response to this idiocy...either later today, or early tomorrow.

Pulp Fiction Friday moved to Monday

2006-03-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Heading to Greensboro, NC for the ACC tourney...PFF will be in full force on Monday with an amazing entry (hint: we will talk shit about all 3 teams we support...a catharsis if you will). I leave you with this to chew on...Tyler Hansbrough is to basketball what Will Proctor is to football...a frieking God.

" Nails, bolts and raw meat...the cornerstone of any balanced diet."

-RUSH

Crack transcends football

2006-03-08T10:27:00.001-08:00

(posted by Stokes and edited by Rush)

Yes, this is a football blog. Yes, this is a basketball story. And yes, we are posting it...because Crack is always funny and Tennessee suffering humiliation is always funny...the two combined are, to quote Bobby Bowden, "dad-gum hillarious."

The second worst job in the state of Tennessee (#1 worst job: Phil Fulmer’s Chair) has to be the PR guy for the UT athletic department.

The poor bastard just spent the last 6 months trying to put a positive spin on 5-6 Football season, wakes up the other day only to find that two UT basketball scrubs were busted for possession of Crack Cocaine. Weed you can spin, but not crack.

Notre Dame has, "Play like a champion today," posted in the locker room; UT has this.

If I was the PR guy for the UT athletic department I would play the lack of sexual identity card. I’d say that the two players were just tired of being over-shadowed by the Lady Vols year after year. They have to wake up every morning and go practice in Pat Summit Stadium. If you asked me to name a great Tennessee Basketball player, Chamique Holdsclaw is the first name that comes to mind. It is degrading. They should just go ahead and rename the men’s team the, "Male Lady Vols."

After signing a letter of intent to play basketball for UT, every recruit must put their balls in this bad boy.

I’m not supporting Crack use, but if I had to have my balls removed every time I went out to play the game I love, maybe I’d need some kind of release too. But I’m not supporting Crack, I cannot clarify this enough.

I know what you’re thinking; How did the Gators lose to a team of Crack Addicts twice? I can give an answer in two words: Contact High. The whole team reeks of Crack Smoke, which seeped into the Virgin Lungs of our young men, thus affecting decision making. Unless the Gators draw The Male Lady Vols in the tourney, they should go all the way.

In a related story, Anthony Passley and Jordan Smith were named to basketball’s prestigious All-Crack team.

F – Anthony Passley
F – Jordan Smith
G – Richard Dumas
F – Len Bias
*Bias remains team captain for obvious reasons.

-Stokes

You might be a Gamecock if...

2006-03-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

(Posted by: Wayne and edited by Rush)

It is with fair certainty that I say that while the three teams represented on this blog are divided on almost every issue, we stand united in our hatred for the Gamecocks and their entire fan base. With no further ado: U might be a Gamecock if...

-If the best season your school has ever had involves a loss to Navy.

"After running for 320 on South Carolina, I bitch slapped Lou Holtz and gave him that stutter."

-If your rival has a 30+ winning advantage in the series and you STILL think your program is on more solid ground.
-If your program can take two coaches that won national championships elsewhere(Dietzel and Holtz) and turn them into losers.
-If the ancient past begins right after a loss.
-If you can argue that your team is much better than your rival ten ways to Sunday in every category but the score (and believe it).
-If you borrowed your entrance song from a movie and borrowed your fog-filled run onto the field from another program, and have the audacity to claim yourself as the REAL USC.
-If you can't say "Steve Spurrier" without bowing you head in awe of the greatness that is the man.

yummy...Steve Spurrier flavored Kool-aide...my favorite kind

-If someone substituted Steve Spurrier with Chuck Norris in the hilarious thread making the rounds, and you said "now THAT makes much more sense."
-If you think Lou Holtz is a great college football analyst and is putting Mark May and Rece Davis to shame (which isn't that hard to do because those guys have about as much insight as the USA TODAY... but being able to speak is a fair pre-requisite to be a TV ANNOUNCER).
-If you think that your ex-coach leaving five separate programs on probation"isn't really a trend...just coincidental."
-If you consider a two-year run of bowl victories the "glory years."
-If your first bowl win EVER came in the era of corporate sponsorship and was named after an auto parts store and wasn't named simply after a fruit, a fabric, a sweetener or a flower.

After beating West Virginia in the Carquest Bowl, the Cocks followed up by winning the Toilet Bowl the next year

-If your team ranks 89th out of 117 in all time winning percentage and you still think you have a "storied program."
-If you continually argue how good your conference is when you have done nothing to contribute to it.
-If you argue how weak the ACC is even when you have an all-time winning record against only one of the teams.
-If the score of a game is only one of five indicators you use to decide who has the better team, behind conference affiliation, your coach's past success, the number of fans you put in the stands, and where you rank in recruiting.
-If your fight song is appropriately titled "Step to the Rear."
-If you can't spell SEC.

And of course,If you never grow tired of saying "wait 'til next year," you could be a Gamecock.

-Wayne

Marsellus makes his, "Pulp Fiction Friday's" debut

2006-03-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

(Posted by:Rush)

"You see, this profession is filled to the brim with unrealistic motherfuckers. Motherfuckers who thought their ass would age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar, it does. If you mean it gets better with age, it don't." -Marsellus Wallace

" I got Wolf on the Mutha Fucka"

This Marsellus gem is proof positive that our original thesis is correct: The meaning of life can be derived from Pulp Fiction quotes.

If ever there has been a sentence uttered in the history of humanity that serves as better commentary on the Jeff Bowden tenure, I haven't heard it (I shy away from making the same assessment about Bobby. Yes, his teams have been sub-par lately by FSU standards and he is an "aw-shucks Ernie didn't mean to hit his girlfriend," type of guy. However, he has left a positive imprint on the college game, in spite of being senile the last twenty years..quite impressive actually).

Back to Jeffy, I think he might be the only coordinator with a, "Fire fill-in-the blank" website: here it is.

In fact, I almost feel sorry for Seminole fans having to go into the season knowing that they have a roster loaded with talent and absolutely no chance for success. Having gone through the Z...Zo...Z...Zoo...Zook (damn that was the hardest four letter word I have ever had to type) years, I know how miserable it is to have a dark cloud even on victories, as they serve to extend the career of the asshat in charge. Now, don't think I am getting soft here, I said almost, "feel sorry for." I wish yall an 0-12 season and the collapse of that cracker jack box you call a stadium.

Sorry for not futilely attempting to be comedic, but rage supersedes comedy when it comes to the absurdity of an incompetent moron like Jeff coaching a powerhouse program, one that comes from my home state nonetheless. You know it's bad when even your rivals think you should be canned.

-Rush

Sample Wonderlic Exam

2006-03-02T11:51:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on: THE BOARD...if you don't know, you better ask somebody)

Yesterday, we showed you a copy of VY's Wonderlic exam; today we were able to get our hands on a retake exam that is more applicable to real life for college players:

1. If the Ohio State tailback gets $42,000 from a Buckeye booster but the Escalade he wants is $57,000, he should:

a) Buy a different SUV
b) Take a job he doesn't have to show up for from another booster to cover the difference
c) Ask Maurice Clarett to borrow one for him
d) Transfer to an SEC school with more generous boosters

"Sheeeiiitt!! Maybe I should I have gotten an Expedition instead"

2. Texas A&M scores 46 points against Miami in a bowl game. How many staff members will Larry Coker fire the next week?

3. If Joe Paterno's team loses a close game, how long before his players will be allowed to talk to the media again?

Bonus: How long will Penn State fans complain on their message boards?

4. Which of these numbers in the following group is the largest?

a) 10 x 14 x 5
b) 632
c) 1,000 - 275 + 30
d) Charlie Weis' cholesterol level

5. A linebacker is 21. The underage girl he sleeps with is 16. At Tennessee, how many plays against a non-conference team would he have to miss as punishment?

" So, you raped some chick...you will miss six plays of the opener against Independence High School"

6. If ESPN's Gameday crew were to go to Arkansas to cover a game, how much netting would be needed to protect Kirk, Lee and Chris Fowler from objects thrown by Razorback fans?

a) none
b) 200
c) all Home Depot sells in a three city area
d) Trick question: Gameday would never go to Arkansas

7. Marcus Vick runs a 4.3 and Maurice Clarett runs a 4.48 but the 9mm Glock hidden in Vick's waistband is heavier. Who has a better chance of out-running the cops and evading arrest?

After outrunning the cops, Marcus decides to stop by Mickey D's for some fries

8. If the world's largest sequoia tree is almost 3,000 years old and the earth's crust is 5 billion years old, how old is Bobby Bowden if he started coaching before either?

9. If Michigan has a 12 point lead with under 9 minutes left in the game,how much time will be left on the clock when the opposing team scores the winning touchdown?

a) 3 minutes
b) 1 minute
c) :35 seconds
d) none, last play of the game and immediately named ESPN Instant Classic

10. Your team's stadium holds 96,000 fans but regularly only sells 32,000 tickets to its home games. How long will it take the team bus to drive back to Westwood?

halftime at a UCLA game

11. Which would be more unbearable: Spending a hot day in the stall of Ralphie, the Colorado Buff mascot, or driving across Kansas in a vinyl-seated, non-air conditioned '73 Nova with Jayhawks coach Mark Mangino. Explain.

12. If you watch two hours of ESPN pre-game, four hours of post-game and six versions of SportsCenter during which Beano Cook appears 15% of each broadcast, how many times will you want to gouge your eyes out with a tongue depressor?

13. Floyd of Rosedale is:

a) Barney Fife's neighbor from the old ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW
b) The current WWF champion
c) A college football trophy as coveted as winning a giant stuffed animal at the state fair

"I'm Floyd Rosedale Mutha Fucka!!"

14. If a Onepeat.com LSU fan wastes 60% of each day stewing over the shared title with USC in 2003, how many hours will he have left each week to not date women?

15. The ninth month of the year is:

a) June
b) Jantober
c) November
d) The time when the Kappa Kappa Gamma girls arrive back on campus to start doing your homework again

EXTRA CREDIT: If Lou Holtz is brought in to rebuild your program, how many years of NCAA probation will your school be put on within 2 years?

-THE BOARD

Pulp Fiction Tuesdays?

2006-02-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush Holson)

*Well being that we at 6db have visions of grandeur combined with the practicality of swatting flies with hand grenades, we started this blog at the very end of the football season. That makes sense. Anyway, the offseason sucks and sometimes there just aren't stories worthy of Pulp Fiction Fridays. That being said, we return four days late this week (hearing the words, "four days late," even in this context, makes me cringe) with this latest installment.

"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."

It is at this point that Jules divulges his plan to Vince (ahh the irony...you will see later) to become a nomad/bum and roam the earth until God calls upon him.

Vince's Austin couterpart, often referred to as VY, clearly gave the NFL some frightening answers this week at the Scouting Combine in Indianapolis. As Deadspin reported, dude scored a six on the now infamous Wonderlic exam,the lowest score ever for a QB.

Here is a copy of Vince's test, courtesy of YAY sports.

"you mean Octvember isn't the ninth month
of the year, baaaaby?"

Ok, we have some suggestions for VY if a career in the NFL doesn't work out:

1.) FSU offensive coordinator : Jeff Bowden scored a 1 on the wonderlic (the question he answered correctly: "who's your daddy?" he responded with, "Daddy." Not surprisingly that was his answer to every question). Vince would be able to mentor Xavier Lee and turn the program around. We think VY could speak down to X's level.

2.) Vice President: Don't think he is smart enough to turn off the safety...probably wouldn't shoot people.

3.) New York Knicks GM: TOO MANY JOKES....NOT ENOUGH SPACE (note to ziek: Thank you for taking Stevie Franchise...thank you)

4.) UF quarterbacks coach: teach Christine Leak to stop being such (as my friend Hunter blurted out at a very religious engagement party recently in a drunken haze) "a fucking pussy."

5.) ESPN Sportscenter Anchor: Anything to get Stu Scott, Skip Bayless or Steven A. Smith off the air.

-RUSH

The Return of Truthiness

2006-02-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

(Posted By Rush)

Without college football, I have been relegated to getting excited about NASCAR (which I really don't care about), dumb bitches showboating in the Olympics, watching Vince Carter jump over people etc.

Is and always will be: The sickest dunk of all-time.

But I have found solace in watching Stephen Colbert, and his vast hatred for bears, make me laugh so hard that I forget about how wonderful the gridiron on a Saturday afternoon can be. After a ten day hiatus, new episodes begin airing tonight. Inspired by Colbert and his never ending quest for truthiness, we leave you with this scientifically proven fact, Jeff Bowden Sucks.

"Yes, it's true Jeff Bowden has trisomy 21 and New York intellectuals are dead to me"

-Rush

What I Hate

2006-02-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

(posted by Snipes)

This will not be entirely related to football, but lets do it anyway. More will be added in time, these are just the top that I am currently hating.

5. JJ Morrison/Adam Reddick - Honestly, I didn't hate these 2 until recently. The fact that they play basketball (which I don't like, but not enough to make the hate list) isn't so much the reason as their homo-erotic torrid basketball love affair. I don't want to hear that they call each other and they are pin-pals etc. etc. One rights poetry, the other has a moustache....enough said.

JJ Redick, along with Morrison, likes the man love

4. Notre Dame football fans- Kind of a strange one, because I actually like Charlie Weis a lot. The man is a great coach and it is hard not to like him. I even saw one of the sappy tear-jerker stories ESPN did (see #3) and actually liked it. So with the disclaimer that I like Weis, and have no specific anger at the players, why do I hate them. I hate the fans. They think they are the best thing since extra soft toilet paper. I recently saw a post on Rivals.com about how they fully expect to land basically every recruit they want and if they don't get someone its because they didn't want too. Good luck with that ND. Your team is over-rated and Jimmy Clausen is a faggot.

Chuck Weis rockin the, "front butt"

3. Those sappy pieces that ESPN runs. When I'm watching sportscenter I don't want to hear about how Vince Young fell off his bike when he was 7. So did I. And I don't want to hear about how a bunch of underpriviledged one-legged midgets started a football league in a minority neighborhood and learned a valuable lesson while teaching the homeless how to read. You get the idea.

ESPN is covering this game next week.

2. Any fucking SEC fan who thinks the SEC in and of itself lends credibility to your football program. Too many times have I heard shit like "We're in the SEC" or "ACC sucks", basically they think no other conference is anywhere close. Bullshit. The SEC is good. Scratch that, Auburn, Georgia, Florida, LSU are very good, and even they have down years. Tennessee sucked last year. Alabama was good, but they may not be this year. The rest of their conferece sucks big time. I am not saying they are not a good conference, they are, and this upcoming year they may have some very good teams but that does not in any way work as an excuse for the teams that suck.

1. South Carolina Gamecocks - Yes I hope they die and I hope they burn in hell.

yeah, that's all I have to say about that.

-Snipes

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance..."

2006-02-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

*After a one week hiatus, Pulp Fiction Fridays, known henceforth as PFF, are back in full force!

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

"Did I brake your concentration?
Oh, you were finished, then allow
me to retort."

It is at this point that Jules pulls out his piece and sends Brett packing for the Underworld. In reality, all Jules really needed to do was call former UF cornerback Dee Webb and let him do the job. Why, you ask...here's why:

police, responding to a call that a gunshot was fired, found Webb in possession of GET THIS: an AR-15 rifle and an AK-47. We are guessing that Dee is a big fan of the 2nd amendment. With that artilalry, not only could Webb take out any police force that tried to raid him and violate his 4th amendment rights, but maybe, just maybe, if he unloaded every clip he had he might even be able knock the wind out of Clemson QB Will Proctor* (asterisk explained below).

In any event, it turns out that the gunshot was an accident. Our boys over at EDSBS have a good idea as to how it all went down:

We have a hypothetical: Webb is a gun nut–perfectly legal, as the article goes to great lengths to mention. Webb also likes to drink with friends, which is also perfectly legal as he’s over 21. He also likes to show friends, who have also been drinking, his G-Unit-worthy arms cache, which is combining two perfectly legal things that together are NOT cool. (We know this from personal experience, which also indicates to the public that we spent at least part of our youth in Tennessee.) After a football banquet, the boys crack out the AR-15 and start fiddling a bit. One idiot–probably not Webb, since we can’t imagine anyone who’s actually shot an assault rifle doing this–points it at an adjoining apartment and mockingly acts as if he’s going to take a shot…which he inadvertently does. Thus the AR-15 gets dropped to the ground, everyone drunkenly scatters to the winds, and Webb’s girlfriend is left to answer all the questions with wet hair (Happy Valentine’s!) and track him down to return to the apartment and explain how in the hell someone discharged an assault rifle in an apartment complex made of happy thoughts and cheap drywall

"Your damn right I vaporized
Chuck Norris!"

*little known fact: The well known Chuck Norris facts were initially written about Will Proctor until one day, in the heavens of Olympus, Norris caught wind of the Proctor praise and subsequently challenged him to a Burr/Hamilton-esque duel. When Proctor vaporized Norris in two seconds, only to allow him to regain his human form in aggonizing pain, he cut a deal with old Chuck. Proctor would allow Norris to say the facts were about himself. His reasons were twofold: 1.)Everytime someone praised Norris about the facts, he would remember that he is, and always will be, Will Proctor's bitch. 2.) Will Proctor has seen the movie The Usual Suspects and adheres to Keyser Soze's mantra, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist." This is college football's early warning for 2006...you have been warned. I certainly hope all of you appreciatte the sacrafice of personal safety I have made in typing this.

-Rush

Bill Curry interviews for Georgia Tech AD job

2006-02-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

(Posted by Heath)

Motivational speaker and D-list college football announcer, Bill Curry, met with Georgia Tech President Wayne Clough last week to discuss the open athletic director position at Curry’s alma mater.

Coach Curry shortly after he is informed that you need to
break the glass from the outside to fake a brick being tossed
through your office window.

Curry appears to be the leading candidate to step in for retiring AD Dave Braine. Though he has no experience in athletic administration, Curry’s allegiance to the university has shown throughout his career. For example, he stepped down as the head coach in Atlanta to take the job at Alabama in 1987 before he decided to destroy any credibility that he had as a football coach over the next 10 seasons in the SEC.

While the school and the AJC both seem fully behind Curry’s candidacy, Tech fans (or the few left now that the basketball team has hung it up for the seasons) are wondering what the hell people are thinking on the Midtown campus. Is a school who is currently on NCAA probation for using academically ineligible players really considering hiring a man who had his best season as a coach while 2/3 of his players were on academic probation?

Of course, there is no doubt that he and Coach Chan will get along just fine. Back when Gailey took over as the Yellow Jacket head coach, Curry questioned whether Gailey could handle the extra rigors of dealing with student athletes.

“Gailey has been successful in Denver, Pittsburgh, Dallas (as head coach of the Cowboys, no less!) and Miami. In light of that, I'm curious about whether he can stifle his NFL gremlins. I mean, when an 18-year-old cuts chemistry class because he "forgot," how will Gailey respond? When the kids are too tired to practice because they were pulling all-nighters for mid-terms, will he be able to smile, breathe deeply and shorten the practice session? I'm wondering ... and hoping.”

No doubt that Curry couldn’t be more proud of Chan’s job so far.

The only question left for Tech fans now is, would you prefer to have Curry sabotage your sports programs and (remaining) academic reputation as the new athletic director or continue to disgrace your alma mater on a weekly basis each fall by remaining the worst color analyst in college football?

-Heath

Holy Frieking Cow...Devine Indeed!!

2006-02-08T13:06:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

"Yo Yo Yo, I have no morals
and I'm awesome. FSU here
I come."

Disclaimer: I am not one who is easily impressed by High School videos; every D-1 athlete dominated in high school.

That being said, Noel Devine's high school video is the most impressive EVER...including the well known Reggie Bush reel.

Devine, the troubled running back from Fort Meyers, turned his back on Deion Sanders' as a mentor, is rumored to have two children, and rumored to have been involved in a drive by shooting...I am sure he is headed to FSU.

If you have Scout.com click here to see Noel, if not click here.

Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?

2006-02-03T13:09:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

" Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?...Then why'd ya try to fuck him like one?...why'd ya try to fuck him like one"

" You Read the bible, Brad?"

Shortly, thereafter Jules profoundly reels off the infamous Ezekiel 25:17 and lights poor Brad up with his friend "Mr. nine millimeter." Now, I'm not saying that the Gators are going to go "7th floor crew" style on Patrick Robinson and Damon McDaniel...The two prodigies who defected from UF to FSU on National Signing Day.

Here's what we're saying: Just like Brad and his boys stole from Marsellus and consequently felt his wrath, so to are the Gators going to, "lay their vengeance upon thee (P-Rob and D-Mac)." I just hope the discounts to Dillards and Foot Locker were worth it. We are predicting 0-4 for the two defectors in their careers against Florida.

After some investigative reporting, we were able to find out what turned the 2 youngsters around at the last second. We got a peak at their Freshman class schedule:

Mon/Wed/Fri 10 am course: Sexual Assault 1301 prof. A.J. Nicholson

Mon /Wed/Fri 12 pm course: Domestic Battery 1301 prof. Ernie Sims

Tues/Thurs 10 am course: Drug Trafficking 1301 prof. Sammie Smith

Tues/Thurs 12pm course: Larceny 1301 prof. Peter Warrick

a special seminar on the first day of classes: "How to make 6 figures a year and still be the least productive person in your office" by: Jeff Bowden

POSTED BY: RUSH

Introducing Pulp Fiction Fridays

2006-02-02T09:15:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Now that the college football season is officially over with signing day having concluded, we introduce Pulp Fiction Fridays as a catharsis for dealing with this pain. Every Friday, we will take a quote from this Tarintino classic and relate it to something going on in the college football world (because we all know the meaning of life can be derived from Pulp Fiction quotes).

I am so pumped about this, I can hardly wait until tomorrow to enter the first post. In fact, I think I am going to go up to Micky D's right now and order a Royale with cheese...I think the cashier might spontaneously combust with all the confusion (I will of course order a Monteith's Black to quench my thirst).

POSTED BY: RUSH

Spiller headed to Clemson

2006-02-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

(posted by:Rush)

CJ Spiller says, "Fuck You," to the State of Florida

Union County High School product and Army All-American running back CJ Spiller will be joining his high school buddy Kevin Alexander in Clemson next season.

IPTAY Baby!! I can't wait
to swim in that cold lake.
James Davis, watch out!

Sophomore star running back James Davis was diplomatic when asked about the prospect of playing with Spiller and many say that he was actually instrumental CJ's recruiting process. In reality, he is about as excited as those democrats standing and cheering on GWB last night while under their collective breaths they were saying, "This dickcheese doesn't know his ass from his elbow."

"Sheeeeiiiiiittt!!!"
-James Davis

posted by:Rush

McDaniel and P-Rob Wipe Their Asses w/ UF

2006-02-01T06:25:00.000-08:00

(posted by: Collin)

WR Damon McDaniel, the 6th rated WR and previous UF commitment, has decided to give the Gators a "Mushroom Stamp" to the face and has committed to FSU. Also, one of the first posts on this blog was a report by Rush "foot in the mouth" Holson bragging that DB Patrick Robinson chose the Gators over "Free Shoes University." Well it seems that P-Rob has decided to cash in on his Foot Locker Shopping spree and is going to commit to FSU. Suck It Gators!!!!!!!!

posted by: Collin McLeod

Fun Fact of the Day!!!

2006-01-30T21:09:00.000-08:00

(posted by Collin)

The Truth Behind the University of Florida (from Wikipedia):

1905 was considered the university's official founding date until 1935, when the date was retroactively changed to 1853 by state officials at the instigation of UF's third president John J. Tigert. 1853 was the founding date of the East Florida Seminary in Ocala, an unrelated institution which closed during the Civil War and whose name was used by other schools, including one in Gainesville which was abolished by the Buckman Act in 1905. Some historians believe the motivation was to make UF officially older than Florida A&M, a black college founded in 1887.

*Chuck Norris talked shit about Monteith's Black..then he drank one sip and died of alcohol poisoning.

Provided by: Collin "the gators lick my sack" McLeod

Other Blogs suck. This one doesn't

2006-01-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

(posted by Snipes)

If you don't like a nice, cold
Montetih's Black, you probably
won't like this blog...we are not
for the faint of heart...bitch!

I just recently learned what a blog was, so with my new knowledge I decided to check out what would come up when i hit the "next blog" button on the top right corner of the page. Here is a look at what I found.

#1 My Life as a Cat Lover.com (or .blog or whatever the hell you call a blog)
Some woman actually had about 4 posts talking about her cat named whiskers. This was a bad start but I hoped for improvement

#2 Crickets.com
This was a little better, it was all about crickets, I think. It was written by someone who clearly had as good of a grasp on english as hellen keller does. here is a sample "Crickets you will A LOT when do using". I have no idea what the hell that is talking about but I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt and say that it is talking about fishing, making it a lot cooler than the first cat blog.

#3 a blog about England. I will not comment on this due to my intense hatred of the British.

#4 a blog about politics
This one was by a lawyer and he actually had a link to a site with the national debt. This guy was about 35 and quite clearly a virgin, with every sign pointing to him staying that way.

So why have I illustrated these points. Because, so help me if this site ever does anything gay or incoherrant or in any way shape or form about any topic other than football, drinking, disrespecting women, etc., etc., or a beer ( Monteith's black if you like), then I will quit. In fact if random people who hit that next blog button aren't offended by this site, then I don't think we have done our job. Any way, just sharing my experience as i pop my own blog cherry.

posted by : Snipes

Six Degrees of Bowden is Real

2006-01-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

I was rockin the
'stache way before it
was Pape Sow Mutha
Fucka! I can dominate
anyone on EDSBS.

Southern Methodist University Head Coach, Phil Bennett factors into the 6DB (six degrees of Bowden) circle. "Why is this important?" and, "how is this possible?" you ask.

Well, to answer question number 1: The original founder of this blog is an SMU alum, even though his football allegiances lie with the Gators. To answer question number 2: Prior to taking the SMU head coaching gig, Bennett was the D-coordinator at Kansas State; he replaced Mike Stoops. Mike is the brother of Oklahoma Head Coach Bob Stoops (Mike was also Bob's DC for a few years) and Bob was once the D-coordinator under Spurrier at Florida. The Ole' Ball Coach as we all know isn't happy unless he is getting his ass kicked by one of the Bowden's...Jeff excluded. Kevin Bacon ain't got nothin on the Bowden family.

On a side note, as much as we love Spurrier he was 0-2 vs. Terry, 4-9 vs. Bobby, and is now 0-1 vs Tommy.

Damnit Jeff, even PT Willis thinks
this is a high school offense and
he can't throw the ball out of his
shadow.

When Bobby was informed that all roads do in fact lead to Bowden, he had this to say:

" Well dadgumitt, I am Lord Bowden, but let's not focus on that. I would like to say that I think after a couple down seasons, the 'Noles are back. I think if ole' Charlie Ward can throw the ball around and Kez McCorvey can catch it, we can have a big year. I'll you tell you somthin' else boy, that Deion Sanders sure can play some corner. Now, all we have to do is find a way to stop that dadgum Danny Weurffel. Now, somebody get me a Monteith's Black damnit!!"

posted by: Rush...the founder

2006 preview

2006-01-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Hi, I'm Will Proctor; it's nice
to meet you. By the way I am
a God.

Looking ahead to the start of the 2006 season (it's only 8 months away for crying out loud) it looks like all three teams can legitimately aspire for greatness.

Christine...errr...Chris Leak and the Gators, along with the Godless Noles , get top ten consideration from College Football News.

It looks as if Clemson might be coming in under the radar at number 25 even though stud running back James Davis is returning. However, it is the emergence of Herculean quarterback Will Proctor that could possibly put the Tigers over the top and propel them to the ACC crown. He's not quite a God, but more than a man.

Do you see the irony? FSU loses THE God and Clemson will be starting A God this year. That's why we love college football.

I've had a Monteith's Black today, have you?

posted by: Rush...the founder

PRob signs with Gators; Free Shoes loses

2006-01-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

(posted by Rush)

Fagg is my Bitch!!!

Once thought to be Tallahassee bound, cornerback Patrick Robinson signed with the Gators today. Apparently PRob couldn't resist the thought of blanketing DeCody Fagg all over the field (how much ass do you think he had to kick growing up?).

For you literary aficionados, PRob is not to be confused with literary genius Patrick Robinson, author of the instant classic, "Scimitar SL-2" where Admiral Arnold Morgan pounds roast beef sandwiches and saves the world once again.

I am sure the future holds tons of oskies for PRob and as for the his British counterpart, hopefully he will grace us with another novel where Arnie bitches people around and reminds the French that they would be speaking German if it wasn't for the USA.

A perfect way to start every day...with a Monteith's Black

posted by: Rush...the founder