Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sample Wonderlic Exam

(Originally posted on: THE BOARD...if you don't know, you better ask somebody)

Yesterday, we showed you a copy of VY's Wonderlic exam; today we were able to get our hands on a retake exam that is more applicable to real life for college players:

1. If the Ohio State tailback gets $42,000 from a Buckeye booster but the Escalade he wants is $57,000, he should:

a) Buy a different SUV
b) Take a job he doesn't have to show up for from another booster to cover the difference
c) Ask Maurice Clarett to borrow one for him
d) Transfer to an SEC school with more generous boosters


"Sheeeiiitt!! Maybe I should I have gotten an Expedition instead"

2. Texas A&M scores 46 points against Miami in a bowl game. How many staff members will Larry Coker fire the next week?

3. If Joe Paterno's team loses a close game, how long before his players will be allowed to talk to the media again?

Bonus: How long will Penn State fans complain on their message boards?

4. Which of these numbers in the following group is the largest?

a) 10 x 14 x 5
b) 632
c) 1,000 - 275 + 30
d) Charlie Weis' cholesterol level

5. A linebacker is 21. The underage girl he sleeps with is 16. At Tennessee, how many plays against a non-conference team would he have to miss as punishment?


" So, you raped some chick...you will miss six plays of the opener against Independence High School"

6. If ESPN's Gameday crew were to go to Arkansas to cover a game, how much netting would be needed to protect Kirk, Lee and Chris Fowler from objects thrown by Razorback fans?

a) none
b) 200
c) all Home Depot sells in a three city area
d) Trick question: Gameday would never go to Arkansas

7. Marcus Vick runs a 4.3 and Maurice Clarett runs a 4.48 but the 9mm Glock hidden in Vick's waistband is heavier. Who has a better chance of out-running the cops and evading arrest?


After outrunning the cops, Marcus decides to stop by Mickey D's for some fries

8. If the world's largest sequoia tree is almost 3,000 years old and the earth's crust is 5 billion years old, how old is Bobby Bowden if he started coaching before either?

9. If Michigan has a 12 point lead with under 9 minutes left in the game,how much time will be left on the clock when the opposing team scores the winning touchdown?

a) 3 minutes
b) 1 minute
c) :35 seconds
d) none, last play of the game and immediately named ESPN Instant Classic

10. Your team's stadium holds 96,000 fans but regularly only sells 32,000 tickets to its home games. How long will it take the team bus to drive back to Westwood?


halftime at a UCLA game

11. Which would be more unbearable: Spending a hot day in the stall of Ralphie, the Colorado Buff mascot, or driving across Kansas in a vinyl-seated, non-air conditioned '73 Nova with Jayhawks coach Mark Mangino. Explain.

12. If you watch two hours of ESPN pre-game, four hours of post-game and six versions of SportsCenter during which Beano Cook appears 15% of each broadcast, how many times will you want to gouge your eyes out with a tongue depressor?

13. Floyd of Rosedale is:

a) Barney Fife's neighbor from the old ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW
b) The current WWF champion
c) A college football trophy as coveted as winning a giant stuffed animal at the state fair


"I'm Floyd Rosedale Mutha Fucka!!"

14. If a Onepeat.com LSU fan wastes 60% of each day stewing over the shared title with USC in 2003, how many hours will he have left each week to not date women?

15. The ninth month of the year is:

a) June
b) Jantober
c) November
d) The time when the Kappa Kappa Gamma girls arrive back on campus to start doing your homework again

EXTRA CREDIT: If Lou Holtz is brought in to rebuild your program, how many years of NCAA probation will your school be put on within 2 years?

-THE BOARD

Posted by Rush @ 11:51 AM

Read or Post a Comment

brilliant

Posted by Blogger Hunter Gordy @ 1:41 PM #
 

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Thanks,

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Posted by Anonymous fantasy football mock draft @ 1:31 PM #
 

Thief.

Cite your sources, chicken-shit.

Posted by Anonymous Ben @ 11:34 AM #
 

dude, I just posted an apology on the MGO blog. I had no idea it was originally posted there. I am officially posting an apology later today that will explain exactly how this happened. However, rest assured, it was an accident.

Posted by Blogger Rush @ 11:51 AM #
 

Nice work, dude. Apologies for the name-calling. I just hate that shit.

By the way, M Go Blog didn't post it originally. It was created by the guys at:

michiganzone.blogspot.com

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